Thursday, December 3, 2009

Who Should be in the Dark Knight Sequel?

I decided yesterday to watch Batman Begins and The Dark Knight back-to-back and it got me hard for the upcoming sequel which hasn't really been confirmed but everyone assumes is coming. According to the internet buzz an announcement regarding the next film is expected in Jan '10 and one of the EPs said the third film is set for release some time in 2011. With all this speculation it's time to take a look at who Bats could square off with in the next film. I have assembled a few I think are viable options that I would like to see.

First there is the question of Harvey Dent and the Joker. The ending of Dark Knight made it seem like Harvey had died so it seems Dent/Two-face won't be back in the next one. As for the Joker the death of Heath Ledger kind of screwed that one up. Obviously the Joker wasn't going to just disappear after TDK but now who knows. If he did come back in some capacity a think the most suitable option to replace him would be Michael Shannon, who was nominated for best supporting actor in Revolutionary Road. While no one would be quite the same as Ledger, I think if anyone could pull it off it would be Shannon, definitely not Johnny Depp.

My ideal situation would involve the Joker in a minor, but critical, role, which would allow for Harley Quinn to appear in the next film. Harley, real name Harleen Quinzel, was a psychiatric intern at Arkham Asylum who studied and fell in love with the Joker. She became totally devoted to him and would do anything he asked, despite his frequent abuse and his only wanting her around when he needs to use her in some way. In the next film (B3) they could show some of the interaction between Harley and the Joker in Arkham and have her fall in love with him. He could then use her to attempt to get revenge on his old friend Bats, while he remains locked away in Arkham. If this were to happen it would obviously have to be a darker version of Harley and not the vapid, bubbly, cartoon version from the animated television series. Ideal casting for Harley would be Scarlet Johansen.

Christopher Nolan has said he doesn’t want to put Catwoman in his franchise but I think B3 could benefit from the inclusion of at the very least Selina Kyle as a civilian and not as Catwoman. Selina and Bruce have an interesting relationship and with Rachel Dawes now dead it would bring a love interest into the picture. Having Selina in the picture could also open up the possibility of seeing Catwoman appear in a potential forth film, which could feature the relationship between Selina and Bruce, and Catwoman and Batman. There is a lot of potential in this situation because of the vast amounts of material in the comic books to draw from. Ideal casting for Selina would be Angelina Jolie or Natalie Portman.

Perhaps the most likely villain to appear in the next film is the Riddler. The Riddler, real name Edward E. Nigma (or Nygma depending on who wrote writes it), is a criminal genius who has an obsessive need to leave clues behind at the scene of crimes. The Riddler has appeared previously in Batman forever, portrayed by Jim Carey. The version in Batman forever would of course be unacceptable in Nolan’s Gotham city, but a more complex version, such as the one that has appeared in the more recent comic books, would fit in quite nicely. The Riddler’s inclusion would allow for some immensely complex crimes for Bats to attempt to solve, and could lead to some very interesting life threatening situations for the hero. Ideal casting for Riddler would be Johnny Depp or Hugh Laurie.

In the last two films the dark knight and his associates have done a lot to take down the mob controlling Gotham City. This could create an ideal situation for the introduction of the Black Mask. Black Mask, real name Roman Sionis, inherited a multi-million dollar fortune from his parents after they died in suspicious fashion. Sionis went on to bankrupt the company he inherited and it was only saved when Bruce Wayne stepped in and bought it out. Sionis resented this and grew to passionately hate Bruce Wayne. Sionis had an obsession with masks, going so far as to carve a mask for himself out of his mother’s black coffin. He leads a cultish society called the False Facers and becomes a very powerful mob boss and feared criminal. This story could be easily featured in B3 given the turmoil Batman and the police have reeked upon the criminal underworld in the last two films. In an encounter with Batman Sionis gets the mask from his mother’s coffin permanently burned to his face, which leads to the moniker Black Mask. Black Mask’s targeting of Bruce Wayne (and the employees of Wayne Enterprises) and not Batman would make for some very interesting situations for Bats to deal with. It would add another level of threat to Bruce’s world, since he would now have to be aware not only as Batman, but also in his “regular” life. Ideal casting for Black Mask would be Leonardo DiCaprio or Adrian Brody.

One of the best, but most difficult, characters that could appear in B3 would be Hush, real name Thomas “Tommy” Elliot. To get the full picture of the character I recommend reading the Hush story arc (Batman 608-619), but I’ll attempt to summarize the character. Elliot was a childhood friend of Bruce Wayne, who unbeknownst to Wayne was a sociopath, who went on to become a famous and successful surgeon. Elliot had tried to kill his parent’s as a child but Thomas Wayne, Bruce’s father, managed to save Elliot’s mother. Elliot harbored a grudge against Bruce from then on, although he did not show it. He developed an extremely elaborate plan for revenge against Bruce and disguised himself by bandaging his face. He used many other villains in his plan against Bruce and got the nickname Hush from a nursery rhyme sung by Scarecrow during one of their ventures. Attempting to pull off something similar to the original Hush story arc, while it would make for an epic film, would be quite the undertaking. If Nolan would be willing to bring back Scarecrow, Joker, and Dent (having his death just been a show for the public), as well as introduce a couple other minor characters, this could be a very worthwhile endeavor. Read the story arc and tell me you wouldn’t love to see it played out on screen. Ideal casting for Hush would be Michael C. Hall or Hugh Jackman.

Those are ideas I’d like to see in B3 that I think could easily fit into the version of Gotham Chris Nolan has built. Although I’d love to see some of the above happen I’m 100% certain I will love whatever happens in the next film. I think I’ll start camping out for tickets now. See you in the promise land.

Revamped the blog

Greetings loyal readers. I've decided to purge all the awful shit that was on here and just leave the remotely tolerable articles and also the Kenny Roger's thing to keep the heartland of America stumbling across this barren wasteland I call a blog. Stay tuned for potential actual updates. For now though, Carlton.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Easter

Jesus died for our sins so we get a four day weekend and a bunch of chocolate and sugar. Seems logical to me. Only problem is the banks are closed on Friday and Monday. These are the ideal days for financial planning in my opinion. The best way to start the week is to go to the bank and lay down some solid ground work to ensure your money doesn't get pissed away on waffles and flapjacks. Easter screws this up. Little known fact: the recession started on Easter of last year. Nice job Jesus, way to ruin the world. Dick.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

update

Haven't updated the blog lately because I'm too lazy to write anything of value. Today is no exception. The End.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Kenny Rogers: MadTV's only good character

For years MadTV has been poisoning our souls with udder shit they pass off as comedy. The only shining light in the years of feces (aside from the line "Now with 60% anal leakage) is Will Sasso's Kenny Rogers character. Kenny Rogers' Jackass parts 1 and 2 make life worth living. It inspires us all with the classic psalm "I was raised on the dairy bitch!" Other than the Jackass sketch other noteable Kenny Rogers sketches are Fear Factor and the boner inducing punk'd. I recommend watching them on the intertubes, but be sure to avoid everything else by MadTV as it is awful and will probably give you yes-Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Meals for Morons: Snack Time

Snack time assholes. Chex-Mix

Ingredients:
Chex-Mix

Open the bag and eat that shit. If you can't figure that out I'd tell you to kill yourself but you'd probably just fuck it up. Wait for me where you are and I'll come murder you. The End.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Meals for Morons: Supper

This weeks edition of Meals for Morons is dedicated to the drug lords of Mexico. I'm pulling for you. Anywhooooooo we have arrived at supper, former family meal now spent in front of the tv. This dish is a little thing I like to call "An Aborted Mexican Financial Investment." The required ingredients are as follows: Rice, Eggs, Salsa, Ground Beef. Cook the rice, cook the eggs, and cook the beef. Mix together and pour salsa on it. Delicious.

Stay tuned next week when I might give a shit about making a proper post.