Meals for Morons: Supper

This weeks edition of Meals for Morons is dedicated to the drug lords of Mexico. I'm pulling for you. Anywhooooooo we have arrived at supper, former family meal now spent in front of the tv. This dish is a little thing I like to call "An Aborted Mexican Financial Investment." The required ingredients are as follows: Rice, Eggs, Salsa, Ground Beef. Cook the rice, cook the eggs, and cook the beef. Mix together and pour salsa on it. Delicious.

Stay tuned next week when I might give a shit about making a proper post.

Words of Wisdom

Goulash, more like foolash meal choice.

Bankers love that saying.

The End

Meals for Morons: Lunch

Meals for Morons is blogged from part of a live studio audience. This week we will be looking at the mythical meal some refer to as Lunch. A favorite lunch of mine is The Ruttiger Sinclair Egg Sandwich and I will share with you the secret to creating one. The ingredients you will need are 2 slices of bread(banana bread not allowed), 2 eggs, marble cheese, and ketchup.

In order to complete this recipe properly you must be able to multi-task. You put the two slices of bread in the toaster and fry the two eggs at the same time. This may sound impossible but after some practice you will get the hang of it. How you cook the eggs is up to you, but I perfer the yolks to be cook just enough so it's not dripping all over your face while you eat. Noone likes to look like they got a facial from a peep.

If you're really good at multi-tasking you can also try slicing your marble cheese while you're making the toast and cooking the eggs. Marble Cheese is the key. Without it this is just a regular ass shitty fried egg on bread concoction. Marble Cheese makes this shit work. You want slices about a centimer thick for maximum taste to height ratio. Once all the toast is finished and the eggs are fried you begin to construct the sandwich. Place one piece of toast on a plate and make an M on it with the ketchup. W's are also acceptable. After the red letter is in place place one fried egg on top of it. On top of that place your cheese slices, then on top of that the other fried egg. Next apply a ketchup M or W to the other piece of toast and place on top of it all. Now you have a wonderful meal made easily. If you don't believe me read this testimonial from a big fan of The Ruttiger Sinclair Egg Sandwich.

"I love The Ruttiger Sinclair Egg Sandwich. I used to eat it everyday for lunch and once I get a new body I plan on doing so again." - R.M.N.'s G.

Fight Communism by celebrating Pi Day

Tomorrow people across North America will unite in celebration of the greatest math related holiday(next to Arbor day of course). March 14th, or 3/14, is a day when lovers of math, and freedom, come together to eat novelty pies and share there love of expressing the ratio of any circle's circumference to it's diameter with a symbol. If you attend a Pi Day celebration it is polite to bring something similar to the pictures below:

Although Pi Day is a cause for celebration we must also be aware that some people disagree with our celebration. These pinko-commie bastards hail from Europe, the birth of all things pretentious and evil, and do not believe in Pi Day, but rather Pi Approximation Day. They choose to recognize July 22nd, 22/7, because pi is roughly equal to 22/7. This is a load of bullshit propoganda and must not be tolerated. Richard Milhous Nixon would not have put up with this crap and neither should be. We must unite in our celebration of 3/14 as the one true Pi day and show the foul communist hordes their "Pi Approximation Day" has no part in the world of tomorrow. So tomorrow while before you enjoy your novelty pies make sure to spread the word about the true Pi day. God Speed.

I am Richard Nixon's Ghost and I approve this message.

Meals for Morons: Breakfast

Welcome to part 1 of a 4 part series on preparing meals even if you're a lazy, unskilled sack of crap. Today we feature the most important meal of the day: Breakfast. A good breakfast prepares you for your day by supplying mega-nutrients and vitaminos for your most important organ, the spleen. Without a properly functioning spleen you may suffer bouts of sever plug dustery, a serious medical condition. Too prevent this from happening to you I recommend starting everyday off with the typical breakfast for bankers and investment specialists everywhere: Cereal, demonstrating in this poorly created picture.



The key ingredients in this recipe are cereal, milk, a bowl and a spoon. You start with the empty bowl and then select a cereal to pour into the bowl. Popular selections include Rice Krispies, Honey Nut Cheerios, Special K, and things of the sort. The next step is to pour some milk over the cereal until the bowl is almost full. Finally insert the spoon into the mixture and you are ready to eat. Optional extra steps include adding chopped up bananas or blueberries or possibly even strawberries into the cereal. This can add a nice extra flavor to the mix and if there is on thing bankers love its extra flavor. Join us next week for part 2 of the series: Lunch.

I'm better than you at Super Mario World

I realize that the blog should be star 96 but someone else already has that, presumably because they are a freedom hating asshole. For those of you unaware star 96 is the rating you get when you beat every level in Super Mario World (with the exception of Bower's Castle, which doesn't make sense because you don't even have to get the best rating, but I digress). Example:
While getting four star 96s is not really a big deal the reason I'm better than you is in the speed of beating it. To get a star 96 is possible in under two hours using the turbo function in a snes emulator. To anyone who says thats cheating they can go fuck themselves. My super mario world skills are cash money.

Expect shittier even less irrelevant posts in the future, posted with no regularity. Check daily anyway.